My NEW Fanfiction Story

[KillerBlonde]

Well, Gmod Space Wars is turning out to be a FLOP.:unfriendly:

So, I have good news and bad news.

The BAD news is I will stop writing GSW.
The GOOD news is, I have plans for a new, better fanfiction.

It is HL2 fanfiction, so this time characters will sleep, eat, talk in different tones, etc.

The story starts with a rebel soldier at white forest before the colapse of the citadel.

I need a little help on the plot and everything.

's for anyone who helps!

[Superlagg]

I find the best game fics heavily use game physics and topisms. Such like with as, keep it feeling like an HL2 scenario.

[KillerBlonde]

Ya, like 'I sat on my bed, made of a hard iron frame. Why do the combine get nice beds?'

[Bull]

Ahh and not more talk about players, servers? So just a normal story set in the hl2 universe?

About the plot.. I think you can do nice things with Apenture Science. I don't think there is much known about it, so you can improvise there nicely

Good luck, mate!

[KillerBlonde]

Yes. Perhaps even on the other side of a transmition from Alyx...

[KillerBlonde]

Okay! I have the first paragraph done!

It is still a rough draft, so please comment!

“The Harrison is sleeping on the job again,” someone with a heavy Vortigaunt accent said. I mumbled something in a sleepy response. “It is unwise to anger the Magnusson.” I opened my eyes. “Whah, who?” I replied. “Dr. Magnusson. He has been expecting the engine checks.” I peeled my face off the cold metal floor. “What? Oh, the engine checks. I got them right here.” The papers were crumpled and dirty. “How long have I been out, Uriah?” I asked as I rubbed the imprint left on my face. “The Harrison has been asleep for 45 Earth minutes,” the Vortigaunt replied in a droning tone. Dang. Third time this week I fell asleep while carrying out standard check-ups. “Tell Dr. Magnusson I'll be right there,” I said as I unwrinkled the data sheet. “We shall do as the Harrison asks.” “Yeah, well, I gotta go!” I shouted as I ran down the catwalk. Now I’ve done it. Well, easy come, easy go. I’ll probably be assigned to crow duty in the sensors. Rather fall asleep on grass anyway.

[Bull]

Can't say I liked this much.
I really can't picture a vortigaunt saying; "Dr. Magnusson is goona kill you if you don’t get those data reports in!".


I think I had to read this part 5 times before I got who said what;
“How long have I been out, Uriah?” “The Harrison has been asleep for 45 minutes.” Dang. Third time this week I fell asleep on the job. “Oh. Well, tell Dr. Magnusson I’ll be right there, and, call me by my first name.”

Be very careful with your characters thoughts and speech.
Clarify on the right moments who says what.

“Oh. Well, tell Dr. Magnusson I’ll be right there, and, call me by my first name.”
Try to say that sentence out loud, it sounds silly.

I think you could debug your story a lot, by reading it out loud.

I know it's rough work.. But this is a bit too rough and misses too much context to read properly.

[KillerBlonde]

Ya. That was just what the first paragraph will be about. VERY rought.

[KillerBlonde]

Okay. I updated the paragraph to make Uriah seem more Vort like.

[Jat Goodwin]

1, Write a sex story with alyx involved.
2. Post a sample on FP.
3. Sell it for 10$.
4. Have hundreds of 13 year olds use thier moms credit cards to get it.
5. Profit.
6. ???