Gmod Space Wars; A New Ally Next Chapters

[KillerBlonde]

Anyone who wants to read these UNFINISHED chapters may vote on how good they are. (I need feedback.) Reading them now will probably ruin your experience for the two chapters BUT enhance another reader's. If you do read them, please vote on how good they are AND give a reason. Don't just say 'I hate all stories having to do with gmod'. DON'T vote unless you read them.

And now, for anyone willing to read ahead, the next two chapters!!

Chapter 3

Our crew had lost ten people due to the alien attack. We searched everywhere for them, but we couldn’t find the lost crew members. We did find a Termite that wasn’t destroyed. We had captured it, and it was in a grabber field. I walked down the large hallways and came to a door. Above it was text: ‘Interrogation Room’ I opened the door, and saw the little robot. It was thrashing around trying to free itself. Sam was walking around it. “This thing is pretty cool,” she said. “It uses six little magnetized legs to get around, and has grabbers. It’s purpose is clear; capture people and destroy things. It has complex programming too. It looks like it has a radio.” “A RADIO?!” I shouted. “We have to destroy that thing right now!”

“Why, Dave?” “It is probably sending information to the aliens right now!” “Well, can I at least gather some more information?” “No, Sam.” “But--” “That thing tried to kill us.” “Dave, you don’t know that! They were trying to take crew members away, not hurt them! For all we know they could’ve been taken to Disney Land!” “I can’t take any chances!” I them pressed the ‘Exterminate’ button. The little robot was blasted with a small cannon a couple times, then it fizzled out. I looked at Sam. She was shocked. “How could you!? I was studying that!” I turned away. “Dave, you are just like all the other pilots in the Galactic Fleet! You do things without thinking, and you think you are the best. Well, you aren’t!” I walked out of the room. I don’t care if she was mad. I had done the right thing. That little robot was probably sending information to the aliens. From what it looks like Sam was helping them. I’m right. I’m always right.

I ran towards the conference room. I have no idea why the commander called an emergency meeting with me only. Was I in trouble? Hope not. I got to the room and I opened the door. The commander was waiting for me. “Do you know why I called you here, Dave?” “No. Am I in trouble?” “No, no, no. You know how Sam and Trevor want to find Fred and Nero?” “Yes.” “Well, don’t go with.” “What? Why?” “We don’t need Fred or Nero. We also don’t need Sam or Trevor.” “Uh, commander? YOU put them in the fleet.” “I needed their help. But now, they are becoming a pain. I saw you in the Interrogation Room. Sam wanted to keep that…that…thing. It was too risky. You did the right thing.” “Thank you, but why don’t we need Fred and Nero? They’re great builders!” “We don’t need builders, much less two trouble makers. We need technology. Skilled pilots. The aliens attacked us with three Spider Ships and four Slug Ships. That‘s seven ships! We had a whole fleet! They almost won, too, and why?” “Because--” “Because they have better weapons and armor. If we are going to wipe them out, we need experienced battle pilots and new technologies. Not a few builders.” “Well, who do you suggest?” “Unless you can cough up an alien, we need Pirates.”

Pirates? The commander must be getting desperate. Pirates were good pilots, as they preyed on lone ships for a living. But they were rude and cruel. They might be good allies, but they would need a reward. And probably weapons. They seem to like that. The elevator doors opened, and I walked out into the hanger. I saw my fighter all ready to go. I hopped in, and started the engines. Then I saw Sam. “Dave! Where are you going?” “I’m on a mission! Go back to Mars!” I then flew out of the hanger. I aimed myself towards the asteroid field, where the Pirates were. I activated the accelerator, and flew out into space.

In a few moments, I shut off my booster engine. I saw the asteroid field. Rocks were everywhere. I wondered how they could live here. I cautiously entered the field. I nimbly ducked and dodged the rocks. Some of them were moving. I turned and spiraled to avoid getting hit by the rocks. Then I saw the Pirate base. It was constructed around one of the rocks. How clever. I approached, then stopped. A single fighter came towards me.
“Why are you here?” “I am Dave of the Galactic Fleet. As you know, the aliens are attacking us. If they destroy us, they will come for you next. We need your help.” The fighter just hung there. “We refuse to help you. You may join us, but we will not join you. Leave.” “I’m sorry, I can’t do that. We really need your help. You won’t stand a chance alone.” “Leave our sacred asteroid field, NOW!” “Please! For the good of us all! We need your help!” “If you will not leave, then we will be forced to exterminate you.” “No!” The fighter began shooting at me. I flipped to avoid the bullets, and turned the other way. I flew away from the enemy fighter. I dodged the rocks ahead of me as well as the fighter’s bullets. “Please stop shooting!” “LEAVE OR DIE!” On my radar, I saw lots of black dots. Asteroids. I saw a red dot at the enemy fighter. Then I saw a second red dot. I looked out the window. An alien ship had just jumped in.

The fighter that was attacking me stopped, and flew towards the base. Then, multiple fighters launched out of it. “Okay. We will help you. I sent the order to evacuate the base. Now, lets get out of here!” I lead the Pirated out of the asteroid field. The Spider Ship started to turn. Then it fired at the base. It went right through the rock and disintegrated the structure on it. Then the alien ship turned towards us. I couldn’t activate the boosters when I was in an asteroid field. Then I saw the exit. I flew at it. Then, an alien ship appeared there. It shot at me using the tracking laser bullets. I quickly dodged them, and headed upward. I saw another exit, but an alien ship was there too. It shot at me. I turned the other way, and tried to maneuver around the firepower of three Spider Ships. Then a forth appeared, and a fifth. They surrounded the asteroid field. We were trapped.

A spy! There was a spy on Mercury Starbase! These aliens knew I was coming here. It was the Termite that got into the black box! I hate those things! I sent a long range message to Mercury Starbase. I hope they will get it. The five alien ships fired at us. Then they started to turn, and their lasers fired. Five beams of energy sliced through the asteroid field. Then a laser struck an alien ship. The Spider Ship instantly exploded. I flew past the alien vessels. The blue energy beams had poor aim, and the aliens hit themselves. What do you know! There is a difference between being smart and wise. These aliens were smart, not wise. The alien ships continued to hit themselves until only one remained. I flew out of the asteroid field with the remaining Pirates and activated my booster. To my surprise, they all had boosters too. How long had they been keeping that a secret?

I deactivated my boosters, and the pirates did the same. I flew over to the hanger, and the doors opened. As I was coming in to dock, I didn’t see the Eagle Wing. Had I offended Sam or Trevor? Hope not. My ship came to a rest and I hopped out. I turned around to see the Pirates. They didn’t use rebel, combine, or citizen model. They had weird counter strike models, and they spoke in a funny accent. Compared to them, scavengers look normal. Almost.

Chapter 4

“So, let me get this straight. You found the Pirates, and were ambushed by five Spider Ships.” “Yes, commander.” “And they just happened to destroy each other until only one was left, and it let you get away?” “Yes, sir. Is something wrong?” “Dave! Open your eyes! Five Spider Ships against a few fighters, and the fighters won? It was set up.” “But why? They could’ve destroyed me right then and there!” “Dave, Dave, Dave. The aliens are tricky. Deceiving. You just have to out smart them. To do so, you must see through events like this. You have to…” Why does he do this? He gives speeches on things we already know, or don‘t need to know. So what the aliens tricked me into thinking they were unwise! That doesn’t mean I wont attack them with a smaller force. “DAVE!” “Sir, yes, sir!” “What did I just say?!” “Um, you said we have to see through the tricks the aliens use.” “NO! I was talking about how you should tell the Pirates the things we know!” Oh, boy. Now I’m in for it. “Dave! This is the second time this is happened! From this day forward you shall be--” Alarms went off, and red lights started flashing. I ran over to the big radar. A red dot was converging on Mercury Starbase.

I ran to the elevator. “Dave I wasn’t finished!” “Sorry, sir! Duty calls!” “I’m your commander! You shall do as I say! Now, halt!” I froze, then slowly turned towards Herald. “Good. Now Dave, as of this moment, you are--” “Commander! Commander!” I saw the radio man walk towards him. “We are receiving a signal!” The commander looked me right in the eye. “Come with me.” I ran with the commander and to the radio room. What could be the signal. A passing ship? A malfunction? Was it the alien vessel? Maybe. I got to the doors and opened it up. A man at the desk got up, and turned to me. “We are receiving a signal from the Spider Ship. We are decoding.”

Raw signal: U!quag)ri@swdwxr(pbs#qukk*gwko$tiy&vprrkw%rgw^ewar ^id%ya?&Okwpaw arpbs$siqb? Hmmm. I’m stumped. “Wait. I think I see a pattern.” said the man at the controls. “Look at this!” Partially decoded signal: U quag ri swdwxr pbs qukk qwko tiy vprrkw rgw ewar id ya. Okwpaw arpbs siqb. Well. That’s a tad easier. Whoa. “Commander!” “What is it, Dave?” “I got it!” I jumped over to the keyboard. Decoded signal: I wish to defect and will help you battle the rest of us. Please stand down. I looked at the commander. He was completely frozen.

“Um, commander? Should we attack?” “No.” “But you allways say to see through their tricks and--” “Dave! I am not going to demote you! I was wrong!” “Uh, hu?” “You were listening! That was a test! Now lets blow those aliens out of our sector!” “No.” “What did you just say, Dave?” “If they wanted to trick us they would’ve had it in a format we could read. They might be telling the truth.” “Dave! If we let them get in this starbase, they might blow it up!” “But if they really want to help us, we would have a better chance at surviving this!” The commander said nothing for a while. “Will give it a shot.

I jumped over to the controls, and sent the alien a message: You are free to dock. Then the alien replied: Thank you. I ran out of the room and to the control deck. “Attention all personal! an alien ship is coming in to dock! All combat officers should report to the hangar bay!” I closed the link and looked out the window. I saw a Spider Ship move closer and closer to our hangar. I opened the doors. Then, the ship turned and headed for the command deck. Aw, crud. They weren’t going to defect. It started to turn, then, to my surprise, the legs started to move. They stuck out straight on all sides. What the heck are they doing?! The ship drifted upward until it was out of view. On the radar, it was right on top of the space station. Then, it latched on.

A single tube came out of the ceiling. Oh, no. Not more Termites! The tube came almost to the floor, then stopped. A single object plopped out of it, and clanked as it hit the floor. The tube retracted, leaving the device. A green light started flashing. Every time there was a flash, there was a beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. I walked over to it. Was it a bomb? No, the aliens use lasers. Beep. Beep, beep, beep. The flashes were getting faster and faster. Beep, beep, beep. I backed away. Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! I ran backwards from the device. I stared at it in horror. If it was a bomb, it would destroy the entire bridge. Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep! I looked away. Then, there was a flash, and a humming noise. I opened my eyes, and slowly turned to face it. A weird pod like structure hovered above it.

I heard a hiss, then three legs folded out of the structure. They came to the ground, and the humming noise stopped. The capsule dropped to the ground, supported by it’s legs. Then, two panels on I collapsed on themselves to reveal a second containment unit. It was pushed out of the larger pod, and then its doors opened. When they did, a green creature fell to the ground. It had huge feet with gigantic toenails. It had only a few fingers on each hand, and a hooky thing on its chest. I looked at its face. A big red eye stared at me. “We come in peace! Or at least, I do.”

[l3ulletje]

I don't use you poll option: Only perfect or suck is a bit very black and white.

Okay, I didn't forget the first 2 chapters, I had no problem picking up the story.

I have problems with these parts:

Chapter 3, Paragraph 3: About not getting Sam, Trevor, Fred and Nero was just a pain to read. Too much names isn't bad, but there should be a clear boundry between them in the text.

I mean, I had no idea with certain lines about who they when I read them. Sure it is easy when you read back. But the need to read back to understand is a bad thing.

Chapter 4, paragraph 1 - 4

The upcoming demotion is put into the story a bit to out of the blue.

...with a smaller force. “DAVE!” “Sir, yes, sir!” “What did I just say?!” “Um, you said we have to see through the tricks the aliens use.” “NO! I was talking about how you should tell the Pirates the things we know!” Oh, boy. Now I’m in for it.

This would be a solution to show the commander issue I think

...with a smaller fo... DAVE!"

In a reflex I replied, “Sir, yes, sir!”

“What did I just say?!”

“Um, you said we have to see through the tricks the aliens use?”

“NO! I was talking about how you should tell the Pirates the things we know!” Oh, boy. Now I’m in for it.


When a other person speaks show it somehow. To first read the line and then need to think about who said what is confusing.

Oh and you need to read careful through everything again... there are some words missing here and there.

Right now I give
Chapter 3 : 7 out of 10
Chapter 4 : 6.5 out of 10

[KillerBlonde]

Thanks for the feedback. I'll post a revised version soon.